The Good The Bad & You: Are You Ready for Mr. Right?

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When it comes to relationships, there's the good, the bad, and You. You want the good but you keep meeting the bad. It looks like there are no good men left. You are at the point where you're ready to just give up on it all. The question is how much of it is YOU?

We start dating at a young age. In most cases well before we are mature. We don't even know enough to know what to look for. If it looks good to us that is all that matters. By the time you know what you should have, it's too late.

Think about how many "Mr. Wrongs" you had to meet before you knew what you didn't want. The disappointments and heartaches you went through were lessons. Throughout the process, you were learning about the good, the bad, and You. Or at least that's what should have happened.

You have to be ready for him and not just want him. The worst thing that can happen is meeting Mr. Right before you have gotten over Mr. Wrong.
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Some restrictions may apply! NOW ON SALE!

The problem is, most people never see themselves. It's always the other person. They don't even consider the fact they picked that person. Even when someone is not good for you or to you, you are still a part of the equation. After you've chosen the wrong person enough times, there's just no good ones left. You begin to develop an "I will just accept it" mindset. Expectations are lowered and before you know it, you just want a MAN. This will cause even more emotional damage.

When you finally realize you deserve better, there will be a wall built up. No matter how good someone is, it will be hard for you to see it.  Even the good will look bad to you. Their honesty will look like game. Their efforts will only be because they want something from you.  Remember, even no-good men know what a good man is supposed to do.

This is why after a failed relationship, time alone is important. You have to do a self-examination. Find out how much of what went wrong was you. You will have to take some responsibility, even if it was just being attracted to them. Take the time to fix you. If you're not willing to take these steps, you may not be ready for Mr. Right. If you meet him in that same mindset, you will lose him. You have to be ready for him and not just want him. The worst thing that can happen is meeting "Mr. Right" before you have gotten over "Mr. Wrong."


MEET ROBERT NOLDEN

A motivational speaker, author, and one of the country's premier relationship and life coaches with a mission to help black people get this thing called love right.  Prescribing antidotes to heal wounds of self love and romantic love, the self proclaimed Love Dr.  Rob creates personalized plans for clients to help them make a healthy emotional transition 

Carie, Jonell & Adalynn

I first met Carie & Jonell back in 2014. They'd recently hired me to shoot their wedding, so this particular blog is personal for me. As a wedding photographer and empath, I am incredibly observant of my clients, and what I remember most about the initial meeting was their energy and the way they connected with another. When people are truly in love, it shows in their actions. Honestly, if I had to sum it up, it's almost magnetic: when she moved, he moved. His consideration for and gentleness with Jonell showed me that Carie was a man that took great care of the woman he was about marry. And Jonell? She's completely enamored by him, stating that his free spirit, positive and light hearted personality makes him a joy to be around. His support for her motivates Jonell to be her best self, and I think we can all agree that's the kind of love everyone deserves. There is a lot of respect and admiration between them, and I'm honored they they chose me to witness and document some of their most memorable moments: their wedding, pregnancy and even their first born, Adalynn Rose.

We continuously court one another, focusing on our relationship, personal goals and individual needs. I believe this makes for a great combination of a healthy life and relationship together. - Carie

One thing Carie and Jonell do is focus on the simple things that make them happy, essentially sustaining the foundation of their love. A few of the things they enjoy doing include experiencing new places together (they have an appreciation for the great outdoors), going on hikes and walks in the park as a family.

And how do they manage it all as a new family? According to Jonell, she has one answer: communication!

"Communicating each other's wants and needs really helps to keep us both happy and healthy". With the birth of their first born, Adalynn (also affectionately known as Addy), their bond strengthened for one another. Black love translates to the continuity of our people, and when we asked what black love meant to them, Carie believes that "black love is powerful, life changing and I am constantly reminding myself that we can manifest and influence change for generations to come."

Our love has grown to new heights with the birth of our daughter. Parenting is a new dynamic that has shown us so much favor! Our family means the world to us.
— Jonell

One thing I will always respect about love stories like theirs is that it will transcend time: this is only the beginning for the Steed Family, but the impact of their love will be felt for generations to come.

 

Photographs by XO Quinntographer and Amber Wedd Photography


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Blog Curated by Quinn Gordon, Founder of BMWB

Quinn is a Lifestyle + Wedding Photographer, Content Creator and Writer out of New Orleans. Considering herself a Visual Storyteller and Content Creator, Quinn specializes in documenting love, life and art through her photography and personal blog.

Where Do We Begin Men?

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Let them tell it, there’s no such thing as a faithful man. Him being a whore is just in his nature, so you just got to let him do him. That’s the B.S. that has many women messed up now. Because they assume that every man is going to be unfaithful, it doesn’t make sense for them to be. That’s cool, until you meet a REAL MAN. In all honesty, as young men we do a lot of dumb stuff. Our biggest problem is nobody ever taught us the importance of loving one woman. We are encouraged to have as many women as we can. The more women we have, the more man we are. Having received this misguided information and passing it down generations, you then question why so many of us have problems with fidelity. Our fathers walk around with stars on their chest when they see us behaving like this. Even many of our mothers have reinforced that same stereotype. Whether it’s hearing her say that's just what men do or watching her stay with a man who's cheating, it has a psychological impact on you. Conditioned to think if it was good enough for my mother, it’s good enough for you too.

In so many ways, society has allowed us the freedom to disrespect our women and ourselves. We are given a double standard and expected to figure out which is right. Treat her like you would want somebody to treat your mom, sister, or daughter; but cheating on her, not taking care of her emotions - that’s part of being a man.  Add all that up and tell me how is a man, any man supposed to know how to value his woman.

There is a time at some point many of us grow up.  We begin to long for something more. And as we mature emotionally, we develop a whole new respect for our feelings and the women involved in our lives. The scary part is at that point you have caused so much emotional damage, the one you want to love can’t love you back. 

There's a lot of adult males out here, but few REAL MEN. These grown adolescents are still running around putting more value on quantity than quality. They're still not sure of who they are, running from their emotions, and are afraid somebody might one day see their pain.  However, that REAL MAN, he understands it's his emotions that makes him a man.  He knows it’s not about how many women he’s had more of, it's about how he treats the woman he has. Once he has hit that emotional growth spurt, not only does his value of himself increase, so does everything and everyone around him. Simply put, if you never had a Real Man, you better get you one.


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A motivational speaker, author, and one of the country's premier relationship and life coaches with a mission to help black people get this thing called love right.  Prescribing antidotes to heal wounds of self love and romantic love, the self proclaimed Love Dr.  Rob creates personalized plans for clients to help them make a healthy emotional transition 

Amir & Vanessa Celestine

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Zora Neal Hurston once said, "Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place." That is the kind of love worth living for, the kind of love that protects and understands. It allows you to be your self with all of your imperfect parts, appearing perfectly in the eyes of your lover. And if you take a stroll down the Instagram timelines of Miami, FL couple Amir and Vanessa Celestine,  you will find your self caught up in the rapture of all things right and rich in black love. 

“Whether it’s creating a new piece on a canvas for our home, designing a jacket or trying to create babies, it’s fun to come together and use our God-given talents to mutually express ourselves. Even when we’re not creating together it’s euphoric. Some nights, we’re up until the wee hours of the morning drinking wine, jamming to indie R&B tunes, and just enjoying each other’s presence as we work on individual creative projects.”
— Amir and Vanessa Celestine
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Art is love and the bond shared between Amir and Vanessa is a creative necessity of existence and the power of a unit. The two recently took their affinity for creative arts (all things black love if you will), and created NouNou Home, a photo collection of their personal love abode, handmade goods and home design inspo, completely centered around the feel good vibes and aura of their love. Representation matters when it comes to the concept of not only love, but strong family units and the expression of ones self.  

We asked the couple how do they keep the romance is their relationship: one word, SEX. Don't be shy or a prude, that is after all, a very important ingredient! All jokes aside, Amir and Vanessa consciously make an effort to do the same activities that built up the fire and desire during their courtship, such as dancing, photo shoots, outdoor adventures and traveling to new places. What does Amir love most about Vanessa? Her fiery spirit is what attracted him. "She's a go-getter, and a great one at that."

“I love his beard. I thank baby Jesus for it all the time.”
— Vanessa Celestine

And how about Vanessa?  "I love his beard.  I thank sweet baby Jesus for it all the time, LOL," she says jokingly. Amir's calming spirit and integrity is what won her over. "I needed someone with his discipline and patience to complement my weakness." Your life partner should do that for you, and you in turn should put to rest any insecurities they may have with the power of your love.  Love is a beautiful thing, the strength and power that unites black couples together is something that's "truly divine."  We asked the couple for their definition of black love, and Vanessa's response snatched our edges and tugged on the strings of our soul. Black love personified came full circle for the couple during their honeymoon.

"While on our honey moon in Paris, my husband and I watched the video of Philando Castile's last moments in silence. Once it was done, you could feel the atmosphere in our little Parisian flat change. The gravity of being black had laid heavy burdens on our shoulders. We felt helpless. We felt discouraged. We felt broken. And maybe a little defeated. As a black woman, a partner to a black man, how do I shield him? How do I encourage him? How do I position him to be seen as a king and a mighty man and not a thug in the eyes of society? How do I protect him? How can I assure him that his clean record, clean-cut, respectful demeanor and faith in God is enough to save his life? 

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I could feel the weight on his shoulders too, and see the pain in his eyes as he saw himself move down the food chain to become hunted prey. So I grabbed him and held him in my arms as if they could shield him from the outside world. I wanted him to know that I am with him. I wanted him to know that I would be defending him until we took our last breath. I wanted him to know that those vows we took before God (better or for worse - till death do us part) are pierced in my heart in allegiance to his well-being and livelihood. Then in one of the weakest and vulnerable moments in our seven-day marriage, we both got on our knees and prayed. We prayed for peace, justice, restoration, strength, discernment, and victory over the weapons of the enemy. That's black love. We suffer together. We persevere together."

Grabs tissue, slowly claps and reaches out for a strong hug because Vanessa just took us there! If THAT isn't what black love is and all about, I ain't black. Get into all the goodness of black love that is The Celestines' and follow their love story on IG. 

One Night Stand - The After Her Effect by Love Doctor Rob  

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It's funny how many men don't realize that they were the one night stand. I have listened to them brag. The story is always the same. They smashed her and didn't call her after. They never stop to think she didn't call them either.

Imagine the shot a man's ego takes when he realizes the script has been flipped. All the game he thinks he has ran and it was run on him. She is actually the one with the game. She knew what she wanted and got it. While he was lying and scheming she had already planned to give him some and not call him again.

One night stands are common these days. No one is even shy about them anymore. Even with that being said a lot of men still believe it is all about them. Their minds won't let them think that it is a two-way street. She was so into him that she gave in to him. He got what he wanted and he doesn't have to deal with her after. Not one time does he imagine she is feeling the same way.

A lot of men are aware that more women are in touch with their sexuality. The immature men figure that means that is only a benefit to them. They don't have to work as hard to get it, nor do they have to stay with them after. It is a win-win situation for them. Poor little tink tink, if only he knew.

The fact is many women have decided they want the sex without a headache. The headache is generally the person attached to the sex. They don't have to put up with the lies, b.s., and games. The already know what it is so when she is done she keeps it moving. Point blank ain't nobody got time for that. Though it is not every man, too many of them have played games with women. It is easier to just THINK LIKE A MAN. Men get what they want and leave all the time. If they do it why can't a woman do the same thing? She has needs too.

I'm not saying it is right. Karma is real and what goes around does eventually come around. The irony is what happens when it does come around. It is a whole different world when the shoe is on the other foot. Most men are used to being the predator and not the prey. The minute a woman does it to him she is a whole hoe out here. That's why he does what he does. You can't trust no of these women. He is scarred for life.

The sad part is this didn't just start happening. Men have been put in this position more times than they know. It is not until they meet that one that they want to call back that they notice it. That's when they feel the After Her Effect.